TODAY'S GOING TO BE A LITTLE MORE PERSONAL GOD IS GREAT AND GOD HAS GUIDED ME THROUGH GREATNESS AND HE'S GUIDED ME THROUGH SOME TOUGH TIMES [NOTE: OVERALL I DON'T WISH I DIDN'T GO THROUGH THESE TOUGH TIMES] [THESE TOUGH TIMES HAVE BEEN INSPIRING ME, MOTIVATING ME, AND HAVE GIVEN ME WISDOM] THE LAST EPISODE I HAD WAS IN AUGUST [AUGUST-NOVEMBER TO BE EXACT] I WENT TO WAR WITH MY OWN MIND [WENT TO WAR WITH MYSELF] AT THE TIME I HAD BEEN DOING LANDSCAPING AND WAS MAKING A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY IT WAS SUMMER TIME AND I WAS WITH MY COUSIN ALL SUMMER AND I REMEMBER TIMES WHERE I WOULD BE WITH MY COUSIN AND JUST BE LIKE BRO I FEEL WEIRD AS FUCK AND I CAN'T THINK OF A REASON WHY LIKE I WOULD BE WITH HIM AND WE'D BE CHILLING AT HIS APARTMENT [WHICH AT THE TIME HE HAS JUST MOVED IN TO] AND MY MIND WOULD WONDER AND I'D BE THINKING OF SHIT [BUT IN THE MOST NEGATIVE WAY POSSIBLE] LIKE ANYTHING I THOUGHT OF I WOULD GET A WEIRD FEELING FROM AND I WAS NEVER IN THE MOMENT THERE WOULD BE TIMES WHERE HE'D BE TALKING TO ME OR SOMETHING AND I'D JUST BE IN MY MIND THINKING OF SHIT I WAS THERE PHYSICALLY BUT MENTALLY I WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE ANOTHER WEIRD FEELING I REMEMBER IS I WOULD BE SCARED [YES SCARED!] TO GO HOME OR TO BE ALONE BECAUSE I KNEW THAT ONCE I GOT HOME OR BY MYSELF THEN I WOULD JUST BE IN MY HEAD AND THINKING OF BULLSHIT I WAS SO IN MY HEAD THAT I REMEMBER GOING TO SMOKE A COUPLE TIMES DURING THAT PERIOD AND I COULDN'T EVEN GET CHOPPED [HIGH] BECAUSE I WAS SO IN MY HEAD ANOTHER THING FUCKING WITH ME WAS THAT I WASN'T WORKING ON LOST GENS I REMEMBER THAT SHIT USED TO ACHE ME [BADLY] I HAD STARTED THIS LANDSCAPING JOB AND I REMEMBER STARTING THE JOB AND AS SOON AS I GOT TO THE JOB I KNEW I DIDN;T CHARGE THE RIGHT PRICE FOR THE JOB [I LOWBALLED MYSELF] AND JUST THE THOUGHT OF THAT WAS STUCK IN MY MIND FOR DAYS AND I FINALLY BROKE DOWN I WAS IN MY ROOM ALONE ONE NIGHT AND I CRIED BY MYSELF AND I KEPT CALLING TO GOD 'GOD I NEED YOU, GOD I NEED YOU, GOD I NEED YOU,' 'GOD LEAD ME, GOD GUIDE ME" AND I CRIED THAT NIGHT AND I QUIT LANDSCAPING AND TOLD MYSELF I AM GOING TO GET BACK TO LOST GENS AND GIVE IT MY 100% AND EVEN AFTER THAT FOR ABOUT TWO MONTHS I WAS IN A WEIRD PLACE I HAD MY TIMES [I WENT THROUGH MANY DIFFERENT PHASES] [UP AND DOWN] I WOULD HAVE DAYS WHERE I COULDN'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD AND WHEN I WAS IN MY HEAD I'D BE THINKING OF THE MOST RANDOM SHIT AND IT WOULD BE SUPER FUCKING NEGATIVE AND I'D BE FEEDING MYSELF FEAR I ALSO HAD VERY PEACE FULL TIMES I HAD BEEN GOING TO CHIRCH ON WEDNESDAYS THEN I STARTED GOING ON WEDNESDAYS AND SUNDAYS AND I ENJOYED CHURCH AND MET A FEW GREAT PEOPLE I HAD DELTED ALL OF MY SOCIAL MEDIA [I DELETED SOCIAL MEDIA AT THE END OF JULY AND DIDN'T GET IT BACK UNTIL OCTOBER 5TH [MY BIRTHDAY] THAT SOCIAL MEDIA BREAK TAUGHT ME A LOT I REALIZED HOW ADDICTING SOCIAL MEDIA IS [I AM EVEN STRUGGLING WITH THIS NOW I AM NOT AS BAD AS I USED TO BE NOT EVEN CLOSE BUT I STILL HAVE TIMES WHERE I CONSTANTLY CHECK MY PHONE AND GO ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND WE DO THAT FOR MANY REASONS I LEARNED ONE REASON I BECAUSE WE SEEK VALIDATION THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA SO A LOT OF US POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA TO GET A LIKE OR A COMMENT OR A SHARE OR SO SOMEONE HITS US UP OR WHATEVER WAY IT IS WE SEEK VALIDATION WE ARE ADDICTED TO SOCIAL MEDIA LIKE A DRUG A ADDICTIVE DRUG GIVES A QUICK HIGH TO THE USER AND THEN BRINGS THEM DOWN AND THEN THEY SEEK THE QUICK HIGH AGAIN THAT'S EXACTLY HOW SOCIAL MEDIA WORKS WE POST AND EVERY TIME WE GET A LIKE WE GET A QUICK HIGH AND THEN VERY QUICKLY WE COME DOWN AND THAT'S WHY WE CONSTANTLY GO BACK ON IT ANOTHER REASON IS WE COMPARE OURSELVES ON SOCIAL MEDIA SO WE LOOK ON SOCIAL MEDIA TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE'S GREAT LIVES AND THEN WE START TO COMPARE OURSELVES TO A SOCIAL MEDIA LIFE [THAT'S WHAT IMMA CALL IT "SOCIAL MEDIA LIFE" BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS NOT REAL] AND THEN WE START TO HATE OURSELVES WHEN IN REALITY THE PEOPLE WE WORSHIP ON SOCIAL MEDIA ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME SHIT AS WE ARE IF NOT MORE [MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, WHATEVER IT IS[ A LOT OF RICH/FAMOUS/ETC. PEOPLE ARE MISERABLE SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT THE PROBLEM IT'S THE WAY IT'S USED WHICH IS THE THING FOR A LOT OF SHIT TOO MUCH OF IT IS BAD IF YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME AT THE GYM THAT CAN BE BAD FOR YOUR BODY [RANDOM EXAMPLE THAT J POPPED UP LMAO] BUT FOR EXAMPLE I USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO PROMOTE LOST GENS AND TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO EXPERIENCE LOST GENS MORE AND I TRY TO LIMIT MY SOCIAL MEDIA USAGE TO MAINLY DO THAT [PROMOTE] SOCIAL MEDIA IS A TOOL WHEN USED RIGHT AND A KILLER WHEN MIS-USED
THIS BATTLE WITH MY MIND CHANGED MY LIFE. THROUGH THIS ADVERSITY I FOUND GOD I FIXED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOM [ME AND MY MOM MIS-UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER WITH A FEW SITUATIONS AND BECAUSE OF THAT I WAS ANGRY BUT THROUGH ADVERSITY I FORGAVE HER AND I UNDERSTOOD THE WRONG ON MY PART AND I CRIED IN HER ARMS AND TOLD HER I WAS SORRY AND WE TALKED IT OUT AND EVER-SINCE WE'VE BEEN GREAT] [I THANK GOD FOR THAT] IT BROUGHT ME TO LOST GENS [100%] WHICH I AM STILL DOIN LOST GENS 100% AND ALSO IT CHANGED MY PERSPECTIVE IN LIFE I SEE THINGS MUCH DIFFERENTLY NOW AND MY GOALS ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT NOW MY PERSPECTIVE FOR LOST GENS CHANGED FROM THAT SITUATION AND I FOUND S PART OF MYSELF I DIDN'T KNOW THROUGH THAT SITUATION I CAME TO LOST GENS WITH A WAY DIFFERENT MEANING [IT SHOWED ME MY TRUE PURPOSE FOR LOST GENS] AND FOR ALL OF THAT I GIVE GOD THE GLORY FOR EVERYTHING AND EVEN RIGHT NOW I HAD WENT BACK TO MY OLD WAYS IN CERTAIN THINGS BUT I STILL GREW A LOT AND AM CONTINUING TO GROWN AND I KNOW THAT I AM GREAT AND AM GOING TO CONTINUE TO BE GREATER PRAYER: LORD HEAVENLY FATHER, I THANK YOU FOR THIS DAY AND FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY AND FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE THIS MESSAGE LORD I PRAY THAT YOU PROTECT US, GUIDE US, AND LEAD US THROUGH ALL OF OUR BATTLES I PRAY FOR PEACE, JOY, GRACE, WISDOM, COURAGE, AND YOUR LEADERSHIP I THANK YOU AND I PRAISE YOU LORD HALLELUJAH, AND IN JESUS' NAME I PRAY AMEN PEACE LOOVE